Grumpy Old Landlord….and in the end

Well readers, it is time for me to lift a lid on the truth. I am of course not a Grumpy Old Landlord and I do not hate this country or (most) other countries in the world. I have decided to retire my column as I can no longer write about how useless everything is when things can be better. I would how ever like to tell you all about how great this country is, how great it can be and how great it was.

  We all know that a hundred and fifty years ago we had an empire and that we went round in our red jackets shooting people with spears and carving up nations with a ruler in an office in London. Well we grew up and please don’t think of Britain as that nation, think of Britain who brought the rule of law, fantastic communication and techniques that were copied around the world. Some of the greatest construction projects were inspired or built by us. Yes we might have a train network which is late, overpriced and smells a bit, but this is because we invented it, it is old! Instead of moaning about it give it some love, pick up your litter, flush the toilet, look after it! No one seems to care about anything other than themselves, why not have a bit of pride in your environment? I’m sure the rioters would have rioted less if they cared about their environment more and spent less time shooting aliens or whatever the kids do! Some of Britain’s art is the most sought after art in the world and instead of displaying it and giving the rioters in Tottenham some kind education, they sit buried in the vaults of the British museum, why ? Well in my opinion the rich are far too rich and the poor are left in their wake.

  It’s easy for Mr Cameron to say that ‘Were all in it together’ Bollocks are we. I can’t be arsed to go into what’s wrong with the MPs’other than they are all P.R men, they will always appeal to some people and they are racist, homophobic posh boys who literally have never had to do a hard day’s night in their lives.

  We are a tiny island just North of France in the grand scheme of things we should be a nothing place but we keep churning out heroes. In the last 500 years we have produced not only war heroes like Wellington, Nelson and Montgomery we have managed to produce greats like The Beatles, Freddy Mercury, The Rolling Stones, and Tom Jones. We have even produced inventors like Babbage, Brunel, and Dyson. These names don’t just happen for every nation our leaders, celebrities and sportsman are known the world over. Even our very own Queen Elizabeth II is known as ‘The Queen’ around the world. We seem to re-invent ourselves at every crisis this produces fantastic people. Napoleonic wars…Bang: Nelson. Second World War….Bang: Churchill and whether you like it or not we are in crises. We are falling behind Europe, and China. It shouldn’t be all doom and gloom though! We get up off the floor and believe in life. Britain can become a model nation the world over again. 

  That was the past though, what do we do now? In my opinion there are a few things we can do. For the love of Christ stop wasting money on getting so fucked you can’t walk on a Friday night. Respect the police; respect your town, piss in the pub if you need to! Also (I know from being terrible with money) put some cash aside each month. People who are in debt are easier to control; you have restrictions on your life if you owe money. You can’t do things, you can’t function properly and there will be some scumbag who will bleed you dry. What is the point of being so miserable all the time, sometimes life is long, and you have to be so strong! The world is tough but we are a resolute nation, a nation of the stiff upper lip,

With the recent death of Steve Jobs, a man who by all accounts had a tough up bringing, born out of wedlock, dropped out of college but he built himself a massive empire that has shaped all our lives. Look what he has done…what’s your excuse! Britain, we have just metaphorically dropped out of college- where do we go from here?